Tuesday, June 05, 2007
And so it begins...
Today is Luke's first day of preschool...He is actually there right now. It's one of those events in my life as a mom that I had imagined from the beginning. In my mind it was a day of joy...excitement at Luke moving to the next step, his world expanding.
I am not one of those overly protective types and am always eager for my kids to have new experiences. Because of this I am a bit surprised at how affected I am by today. I have had that adrenalin-y, knot in stomach, nervous feeling since yesterday morning...and it's not letting up. I guess once he is home, and I can begin to attempt to decipher his descriptions of the morning, I'll settle down a bit.
The thing is it's not about Luke being under the care of someone else that is bothering me the most, I trust his teacher. It's more about the era of Luke being just ours, only ours, not shared with anybody else, not subject to the demands of anyone else's schedule or ideas.. is over. Not that I wanted that to last forever...I am just feeling a bit shaky realizing I've had my go and now is the beginning of the world getting to slowly edge it's way in.
I know this all sounds a bit dramatic and blubbery...but my entire life shifted the day Luke was born and he, and then Kai, became the entire focus of every day. So...I became pretty freakin' invested emotionally in every little milestone.
That makes today a big day.
Staying home and caring for my guys is almost my entire life. So when one of them gains a little bit more independence, I feel pride and at the same time a little unsettled. I know in not too long I will readjust and this will be the new normal. I also know that this is just the first of many days like this. But today it just feels especially poignant because it's the first.
Of Course Luke seemed so ready and so happy to take on this new challenge. He couldn't wait to get started...saying "drive faster' as we were on our way there.
Oh, and no little tote was made. Luke decide he didn't want to spend the day before preschool shopping for fabric. Oh well. We kept pretty busy in the garden.